The Troll’s Male Sack: Jerkin’

Fan O’ The Site “Carlson” writes:

Hi, Troll. I jerk off a lot. A LOT. So is that bad?

On the contrary, Carl! — Masturbation keeps you healthy! It stimulates your immune system (Source: Human Reproduction, Vol 12, 2200-2207, Copyright 1997 by Oxford University Press)

Recent research study suggests playing with your longfellow may decrease incidence of prostate cancer. (Leitzmann MF, Platz EA, Stampfer MJ, Willett WC, Giovannucci E. Ejaculation frequency and subsequent risk of prostate cancer. JAMA. 2004 Apr 7:291 (13): 1578-86.)

Pumping your manmeat also releases tension and stress. Masturbation can lower blood pressure in stressful situations.

Also, unclogging your pipes releases sexual tension without any of that pesky performance anxiety. There is also no need for a condom and embarrassing drug store checkouts. No need to worry if you’re too small, or if you will last long enough, or if she will notice your cock just looks kinda strange in general.

Rubbing one out also fights depression because it releases the mood–enhancing substances serotonin and dopamine, and that’s better than any prescription drug method, that’s for sure! (F.C. Denison, V.E. Grant, A.A. Calder, and R. W. Kelly Seminal plasma components stimulate interleukin-8 and interleukin-10 release. Mol Hum. Reprod., March 1, 1999; 5(3): 220-226)

And the best reason? No chance of picking up any nasty STD or, even worse – knocking someone up. No need to have to get ride of some chick you don’t even know the name of after you cum. Next morning calls to ignore. And again, no child support requests.

So why are you even still here reading this post? You should be enjoying your built-in ability to be a healthy young man! Now go on! Tug away!


The Troll’s Male Sack: Space Vibrator!

“SpaceCase” writes: Dear Troll, Love the site! But there is a disturbing lack of sci-fi related posts! The Star Wars trailer rules! Gotta get that one for sure. But, more real sci-fi please. For instance, do you ever think there will be a real space porn?

Well, SC, I’m sure in time we will have what you seek, in fact — we may be closer than you think! Check out this recent press release… one small step for mankind, one giant leap for sex in space! heheheheeeeee!!!

On October 8, 2011, online sex toy sales leader, will lead a team to launch the first adult sex toy vibrator into space. The space craft will be equipped with a still and video camera that will send images of its best selling vibrator back to Earth.

Through rigorous experimentation, the group has developed a way to send the vibrator into space. The toy will have to withstand temperatures of -75 degrees Fahrenheit and conditions 10 times over normal cosmic radiation. The vibrator will be fully exposed to the elements, reach an altitude of 100,000 feet (~20miles) above the Earth’s atmosphere, which is three times the cruising altitude of a typical jet plane. The team hopes to retrieve the vibrator in fully functioning order.

Escorts Mailbox

The Troll’s Big Male Sack: Escort Action

Loyal reader “Lonely Jimmy” writes:

Dear Troll,
Ever since Craigslist did away with their Erotic Services section, i have been so backed-up and i have been tugging myself more than ever. Thanks to your site, it’s a lot of fun, but… but sometimes, you need the female touch. What to do?”

Well Lonely Jimmy, I might have the answer for you…

According to Hollywood Skin Company, “ is an adults-only classified directory featuring the very best in various kinds of mature entertainment and services. Adult merchants and service providers can place free ads using the simple interface, reaching a vast audience. Users can browse relevant ads based on need and geography to find exactly what they are looking for… Though has only been online for three months, it has been rapidly growing and is already the hottest website of its kind. The new expansion will only speed the growth and make bigger and better than ever.”

So go on, happy trolling, just make sure you still come back and visit my site and give it a good tug once and a while for ol’ time’s sake! heheheheheeeeeeeeeeee!

-The Troll

Mailbox Trailers

The Troll’s Big Male Sack: Gore

A somewhat disturbed reader writes:

“Dear Troll – I love the site and use it to get off regularly. But I notice it’s all sex and no gore. I find that sex and gore make quite the match. Try it out and I’m sure you will agree. Thanks for all the hot clips.”

Well, I’m not sure what this fella means for me to do, as this is a site with the primary purpose of providing the finest in adult clips for your entertainment. However, I strive to make every visitor happy and therefore present the trailer for the double feature, Blood Spattered Bride/ I Dismember Mama. I do hope this will suffice.

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The Troll’s Big Mail Sack: Candy

Remember readers, you can always click on the “About The Troll” button at the top of the page and send me questions, concerns and any other queries on your mind. A welcomed female reader who calls herself “SweetTooth” did just that! She wrote:

“Dear Troll, I am a straight girl who loves your site. So thanks for turning me on. I think, while there is something for every sexual taste, I’d like to see something a little less hardcore for once, maybe something hot but sweet, if you know what I mean? Thanks again and keep up your winning combination of sex and comedy! XOXO”

Thank you SweetTooth! I enjoy knowing I provide “Something for every sexual taste! But as to try and satisfy yours specifically… let’s see, something not as hardcore… but still hot… something sweet… hmmmm…. AHH! yes! I have just the thing! Perhaps you should continue reading this article after the jump, for I have provided one of the most mind-blowing mainstream films you will ever lay eyes upon. CANDY. See the trailer for the 1968 masterpiece below and watch the film, which is currently out of print on DVD, after the jump! You have not lived until you have seen Ringo Starr playing a Mexican who basically rapes sweet innocent “Candy” while a drunk Richard Burton has sex with a mannequin across the room! Actually, come to think of it, they all kind of rape her… this Candy is going to taste great! You’ll see! heheheeee!!!….

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The Troll’s Big Male Sack: Hairy Sex Dwarf!

Dear Troll, I love the latest crop of articles. You seem to have more time on your hands these days…. which begs the question; do you have any friends?

Well, good sir, while I prefer to travel on my adventures and quests solo – it certainly does not mean I do not remain in touch with old pals from the forests. In fact, it appears as though my old friend Tokolo is at it again…

Mailbox Spoof / Funny Videos

The Troll’s Male Sack: Divorce

I hated my Troll parents and Troll family and was glad to be gone of them when I fled the forest into your human world. But I’m sure some of you out there are different and saddened by their broken homes.

Here’s TV’s Alan Thicke to sort out all these feelings…

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The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church

Loyal reader “Rommel” sends us to church today – and Lord are we thankful for it!!!!

He writes: “Teeny, check! Small teeters, check! Bad skin, check! Fucked in the ass inside a church, check!”

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The Troll’s Male Sack: Chicks

From a reader named Jimbo: “Troll — help me. I can’t figure girls out. They’re so hot but sometimes they are crazy and I think I should just stay home and jerk off. What to do?!”

Girls are crazy creatures, both trolls and humans alike. I would tell you to “just let the chicks fall where they may” — But don’t listen to me, Jimbo. Mr. T can explain it much better than I can to both you and Gary Coleman…

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The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex

Alabaster sends us this clip and asks the question, “Will she ever catch him?”

Let’s find out!…

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The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger!

Frequent reader “Alabaster” sent me an email today that read: “Mr, Troll, could this be footage for the sequel to Cliffhanger?”

With the recent news that a remake is in the works for this 1993 film, I thought this could be some new footage. After taking a peep, I imagine this is not exclusive footage from the new incarnation. Pity. I cannot imagine the new film being any better than this!…

If only Renny Harlin could still direct this well!

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The Troll’s Male Sack: Mice

Lacy writes: “Dear Mr. Troll, I have mice in my apartment. They are eating all the wires behind my computer desk. What do I do?”

Well, Lacy, my suggestion is for you to just masturbate yourself! You’ll feel so much more relaxed and up to dealing with your rodent infestation. In fact, why not use a mouse to get off? Like this lady here (although I do admit this is NOT the best example)…

The way ladies treat their bodies these days. Terrible. Some of you might enjoy this. Me, well, I don’t see how anyone would have a wired mouse these days. This girl probably still uses a PC as well. Doesn’t she know the sleek white design of the Apple bluetooth mighty mouse would feel so much better? I just cannot get off to this because of this reason.

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The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps!

Hello! Many of you have taken advantage of the “Submit a Query” page, and your questions have led to delightful releases for all. Yet, unfortunately, no one has utilized the “Submit a Clip” feature…until now!

Mr. Snaker says: “Troll – Must share this one with you, fucking Asian girl is so nasty.. it’s great.”

Well, Mr. Snaker, thanks for your submission (and emission) – and now..let us peep!…

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The Troll’s Male Sack: Penis Size

A young lad by the name of Theodore writes in and asks, “Troll, your clips are fantastic, but I see all of these big dicks going into the girls and mine is not like that. Am I a fag?”

Well, Theo, according to the “Kinsey Report,” the average penis is 6.16 inches and the average penis girth is 4.84 inches. Believe it or not, there is a correct way to measure your penis. Follow the 5 simple steps below to get a proper mesaurement…
1. Make sure you are as erect as possible.
2. Using a ruler or measuring tape, press one end against the base of the TOP side of your penis.
3. Read the measurement where the TIP of your penis touches the ruler.
4. If you’re using a cloth tape, hold it as straight as possible. A cloth tape on an exceptionally curved penis could mess up your results.
5. To measure the girth, wrap a strip of paper or string around the base of the shaft and measure the length once you uncurl it.

As for if you’re a homosexual or not, all you need do is watch this clip of the day. If you do not swell, then, yes, I am afraid you are indeed a homo. Happy measuring, Theo!

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The Troll’s Male Sack: Cunnalingus

“Dear Mr. Troll,” says young Alabaster, “I am a big fan of your site. But you have to help me! I don’t know how to eat out the pussy.”

Well, Alabaster, here is an Asian cutie teaching the masses how to lick a vagina!