Hi, Troll. I jerk off a lot. A LOT. So is that bad?

On the contrary, Carl! — Masturbation keeps you healthy! It stimulates your immune system (Source: Human Reproduction, Vol 12, 2200-2207, Copyright 1997 by Oxford University Press)

Recent research study suggests playing with your longfellow may decrease incidence of prostate cancer. (Leitzmann MF, Platz EA, Stampfer MJ, Willett WC, Giovannucci E. Ejaculation frequency and subsequent risk of prostate cancer. JAMA. 2004 Apr 7:291 (13): 1578-86.)

Pumping your manmeat also releases tension and stress. Masturbation can lower blood pressure in stressful situations.

Also, unclogging your pipes releases sexual tension without any of that pesky performance anxiety. There is also no need for a condom and embarrassing drug store checkouts. No need to worry if you’re too small, or if you will last long enough, or if she will notice your cock just looks kinda strange in general.

Rubbing one out also fights depression because it releases the mood–enhancing substances serotonin and dopamine, and that’s better than any prescription drug method, that’s for sure! (F.C. Denison, V.E. Grant, A.A. Calder, and R. W. Kelly Seminal plasma components stimulate interleukin-8 and interleukin-10 release. Mol Hum. Reprod., March 1, 1999; 5(3): 220-226)

And the best reason? No chance of picking up any nasty STD or, even worse – knocking someone up. No need to have to get ride of some chick you don’t even know the name of after you cum. Next morning calls to ignore. And again, no child support requests.

So why are you even still here reading this post? You should be enjoying your built-in ability to be a healthy young man! Now go on! Tug away!

Related posts

• The Troll’s Male Sack: Mice (0)
• What I Enjoy About Missy Is The Way She Squirts (0)
• Welcome to my OOL table. Notice there is no peepee in it. Let’s change that… (0)
• Tight Teen Masturbation! (0)
• This Girl Is Fun (0)

“SpaceCase” writes: Dear Troll, Love the site! But there is a disturbing lack of sci-fi related posts! The Star Wars trailer rules! Gotta get that one for sure. But, more real sci-fi please. For instance, do you ever think there will be a real space porn?

Well, SC, I’m sure in time we will have what you seek, in fact — we may be closer than you think! Check out this recent press release… one small step for mankind, one giant leap for sex in space! heheheheeeeee!!!

On October 8, 2011, online sex toy sales leader SexToy.com, will lead a team to launch the first adult sex toy vibrator into space. The space craft will be equipped with a still and video camera that will send images of its best selling vibrator back to Earth.

Through rigorous experimentation, the group has developed a way to send the vibrator into space. The toy will have to withstand temperatures of -75 degrees Fahrenheit and conditions 10 times over normal cosmic radiation. The vibrator will be fully exposed to the elements, reach an altitude of 100,000 feet (~20miles) above the Earth’s atmosphere, which is three times the cruising altitude of a typical jet plane. The team hopes to retrieve the vibrator in fully functioning order.

SexToy Dave, CEO of CNV.com Inc., says of his inspiration behind the project, “I have always been into firsts and that is how I made my money. I was one of the first on the web selling sex toys, first to have an adult affiliate program, the first to make three appearances on Bravo’s hit show Millionaire Matchmaker and now the first online adult business with a space program.”

The sex toy will be carried into space by a partially solar-powered, partially helium-filled balloon 8 feet wide, armed with a 1080p HD video camera, a 10MP still camera, two consumer cell phones running tracking software, and an experimental GPS unit. The balloon and vibrating bullet will travel through Jet stream winds of up to 100 miles per hour for 1-3 hours and achieve a total distance of up to 100 miles. Sextoy.com will publish the photos on its new blog, “Chew On This” at www.sextoy.com/blog.

Related posts

• The Troll’s Male Sack: Mice (0)
• Young? Check. Tight? Check. First time? Check. Up for anything? Check. (0)
• What Ever Happened To The Automatic Pilot From “Airplane” ? (1)
• These Girls Are Weird (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)

Dear Troll,
Ever since Craigslist did away with their Erotic Services section, i have been so backed-up and i have been tugging myself more than ever. Thanks to your site, it’s a lot of fun, but… but sometimes, you need the female touch. What to do?”

Well Lonely Jimmy, I might have the answer for you…

According to Hollywood Skin Company, “BootyTag.com is an adults-only classified directory featuring the very best in various kinds of mature entertainment and services. Adult merchants and service providers can place free ads using the simple interface, reaching a vast audience. Users can browse relevant ads based on need and geography to find exactly what they are looking for… Though BootyTag.com has only been online for three months, it has been rapidly growing and is already the hottest website of its kind. The new expansion will only speed the growth and make BootyTag.com bigger and better than ever.”

So go on, happy trolling, just make sure you still come back and visit my site and give it a good tug once and a while for ol’ time’s sake! heheheheheeeeeeeeeeee!

-The Troll

Related posts

• You Can Fuck Her (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church (2)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger! (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)

“Dear Troll – I love the site and use it to get off regularly. But I notice it’s all sex and no gore. I find that sex and gore make quite the match. Try it out and I’m sure you will agree. Thanks for all the hot clips.”

Well, I’m not sure what this fella means for me to do, as this is a site with the primary purpose of providing the finest in adult clips for your entertainment. However, I strive to make every visitor happy and therefore present the trailer for the double feature, Blood Spattered Bride/ I Dismember Mama. I do hope this will suffice.

Related posts

• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church (2)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger! (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)
• The Troll’s Male Sack: Space Vibrator! (0)

Remember readers, you can always click on the “About The Troll” button at the top of the page and send me questions, concerns and any other queries on your mind. A welcomed female reader who calls herself “SweetTooth” did just that! She wrote:

“Dear Troll, I am a straight girl who loves your site. So thanks for turning me on. I think, while there is something for every sexual taste, I’d like to see something a little less hardcore for once, maybe something hot but sweet, if you know what I mean? Thanks again and keep up your winning combination of sex and comedy! XOXO”

Thank you SweetTooth! I enjoy knowing I provide “Something for every sexual taste! But as to try and satisfy yours specifically… let’s see, something not as hardcore… but still hot… something sweet… hmmmm…. AHH! yes! I have just the thing! Perhaps you should continue reading this article after the jump, for I have provided one of the most mind-blowing mainstream films you will ever lay eyes upon. CANDY. See the trailer for the 1968 masterpiece below and watch the film, which is currently out of print on DVD, after the jump! You have not lived until you have seen Ringo Starr playing a Mexican who basically rapes sweet innocent “Candy” while a drunk Richard Burton has sex with a mannequin across the room! Actually, come to think of it, they all kind of rape her… this Candy is going to taste great! You’ll see! heheheeee!!!….

Related posts

• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church (2)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger! (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)
• The Troll’s Male Sack: Space Vibrator! (0)

Dear Troll, I love the latest crop of articles. You seem to have more time on your hands these days…. which begs the question; do you have any friends?

Well, good sir, while I prefer to travel on my adventures and quests solo – it certainly does not mean I do not remain in touch with old pals from the forests. In fact, it appears as though my old friend Tokolo is at it again…

Children at a primary school in Botswana have become victims to an alleged hairy sex dwarf.

Parents of hundreds of children attending the Kalamare Primary School in Botswana have kept their kids home from school until the attacker has been caught. Over the past 12 months several children have been molested, sometimes repeatedly by an unknown assailant described as a short, hairy creature with cat-like features and long claws.

Following an attack the victims, all aged around 12 years old, are found in a comatose state which they remain in for up to four hours. A physical examination revealed that some of the children had also been sexually abused by their attacker.

Word quickly spread amongst the villagers that the mystery child rapist was a tokoloshe, a hairy dwarf zombie created by witches for sexual purposes by removing the eyes and tongue of a human corpse. According to African legend the corpse then shrinks, grows hair and is reanimated to life to act as the witch’s familiar and sex toy.

A tokoloshe cannot be seen by adults, it carries a magic pebble in it’s mouth to make it invisible to grown ups. It is also said to have an incredibly large penis which it slings over it’s shoulder.

Three local women explained to Botswana newspaper The Voice what had happened to their children.

“My child will not go back to that school until that evil thing has left. She has had enough,” one mother said.

“She was the first to be molested and has suffered repeated attacks since then. On the first day a certain schoolboy ran into my yard crying saying the teachers had sent him to summon me. He tearfully told me that my child had fallen and fainted at school and some teachers had taken her to the clinic and wanted me to bring her cards to the clinic. When I got there my child was lying in a seemingly lifeless state with her eyes wide open and whitish thick saliva dribbling from the corners of her mouth. It was a pitiful and painful sight,” she continued.

Another woman told how she knew it was a tokoloshe carrying out the attacks.

“My child who is 12 and in standard five was attacked last month while in class. I took her to the New Good Shepherd Church where the prophets told me the thing that had attacked my child is a tokoloshe.”

One woman was told that her little sister had been raped by the mystery beast.

“The nurses told me there was evidence of sexual activity and I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She replied in the negative and they gave her vagina cleansing tablets. I understand they have prescribed them to others who have been attacked as well,” she said.

Residents have expressed anger and frustration that their village Chief has not taken the matter seriously.

Related posts

• The Troll’s Male Sack: Divorce (0)
• Zombie Porn! (1)
• Wolf Creature Fucks Young Skinny Asian Girl! (0)
• What Ever Happened To The Automatic Pilot From “Airplane” ? (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)

Here’s TV’s Alan Thicke to sort out all these feelings…

Related posts

• The Troll’s Big Male Sack: Hairy Sex Dwarf! (0)
• Zombie Porn! (1)
• Wolf Creature Fucks Young Skinny Asian Girl! (0)
• What Ever Happened To The Automatic Pilot From “Airplane” ? (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)

He writes: “Teeny, check! Small teeters, check! Bad skin, check! Fucked in the ass inside a church, check!”

Related posts

• Wolf Creature Fucks Young Skinny Asian Girl! (0)
• Who Is The Troll? (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger! (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)

Girls are crazy creatures, both trolls and humans alike. I would tell you to “just let the chicks fall where they may” — But don’t listen to me, Jimbo. Mr. T can explain it much better than I can to both you and Gary Coleman…

Related posts

• The Troll’s Male Sack: Dickheads (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church (2)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger! (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)

Let’s find out!…

Related posts

• Sexy Bathroom Teen Gets Ravaged (0)
• What I Enjoy About Missy Is The Way She Squirts (0)
• The Troll’s Male Sack: Billiards? (0)
• Micah Moore: Teen Who Loves Penis (0)
• Jodie Moore Doesn’t Think Fucking A Clown Is Funny (0)

With the recent news that a remake is in the works for this 1993 film, I thought this could be some new footage. After taking a peep, I imagine this is not exclusive footage from the new incarnation. Pity. I cannot imagine the new film being any better than this!…

If only Renny Harlin could still direct this well!

Related posts

• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church (2)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)
• Wolf Creature Fucks Young Skinny Asian Girl! (0)
• What I Enjoy About Missy Is The Way She Squirts (0)

Well, Lacy, my suggestion is for you to just masturbate yourself! You’ll feel so much more relaxed and up to dealing with your rodent infestation. In fact, why not use a mouse to get off? Like this lady here (although I do admit this is NOT the best example)…

The way ladies treat their bodies these days. Terrible. Some of you might enjoy this. Me, well, I don’t see how anyone would have a wired mouse these days. This girl probably still uses a PC as well. Doesn’t she know the sleek white design of the Apple bluetooth mighty mouse would feel so much better? I just cannot get off to this because of this reason.

Related posts

• The Teen With The Yellow Stripes… (0)
• The Annoying-Voiced Exotic With The Hot Bod (0)
• Small-Titted Teen Knows What Feels Good (0)
• Sexy Bathroom Teen Gets Ravaged (0)
• Fame Registry’s Top 100 Starlets (0)

Mr. Snaker says: “Troll – Must share this one with you, fucking Asian girl is so nasty.. it’s great.”

Well, Mr. Snaker, thanks for your submission (and emission) – and now..let us peep!…

Related posts

• Wolf Creature Fucks Young Skinny Asian Girl! (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church (2)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger! (0)
• The Troll’s Male Sack: Cunnalingus (0)

Well, Theo, according to the “Kinsey Report,” the average penis is 6.16 inches and the average penis girth is 4.84 inches. Believe it or not, there is a correct way to measure your penis. Follow the 5 simple steps below to get a proper mesaurement…
1. Make sure you are as erect as possible.
2. Using a ruler or measuring tape, press one end against the base of the TOP side of your penis.
3. Read the measurement where the TIP of your penis touches the ruler.
4. If you’re using a cloth tape, hold it as straight as possible. A cloth tape on an exceptionally curved penis could mess up your results.
5. To measure the girth, wrap a strip of paper or string around the base of the shaft and measure the length once you uncurl it.

As for if you’re a homosexual or not, all you need do is watch this clip of the day. If you do not swell, then, yes, I am afraid you are indeed a homo. Happy measuring, Theo!

Related posts

• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps from the Peeps: Church (2)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: A Cliffhanger! (0)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)
• The Troll’s Male Sack: Space Vibrator! (0)

Well, Alabaster, here is an Asian cutie teaching the masses how to lick a vagina!

Related posts

• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps: Oil Sex (1)
• The Troll’s Peeps From The Peeps! (3)
• Zombie Porn! (1)
• Yuko Ogura Doesn’t Have To Get Naked (0)
• Wolf Creature Fucks Young Skinny Asian Girl! (0)