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Boozed Up On New Year’s Eve

Happy New Year all you horny bastards out there!

Love, your favorite little Troll.


The Troll’s Male Sack: Jerkin’

Fan O’ The Site “Carlson” writes:

Hi, Troll. I jerk off a lot. A LOT. So is that bad?

On the contrary, Carl! — Masturbation keeps you healthy! It stimulates your immune system (Source: Human Reproduction, Vol 12, 2200-2207, Copyright 1997 by Oxford University Press)

Recent research study suggests playing with your longfellow may decrease incidence of prostate cancer. (Leitzmann MF, Platz EA, Stampfer MJ, Willett WC, Giovannucci E. Ejaculation frequency and subsequent risk of prostate cancer. JAMA. 2004 Apr 7:291 (13): 1578-86.)

Pumping your manmeat also releases tension and stress. Masturbation can lower blood pressure in stressful situations.

Also, unclogging your pipes releases sexual tension without any of that pesky performance anxiety. There is also no need for a condom and embarrassing drug store checkouts. No need to worry if you’re too small, or if you will last long enough, or if she will notice your cock just looks kinda strange in general.

Rubbing one out also fights depression because it releases the mood–enhancing substances serotonin and dopamine, and that’s better than any prescription drug method, that’s for sure! (F.C. Denison, V.E. Grant, A.A. Calder, and R. W. Kelly Seminal plasma components stimulate interleukin-8 and interleukin-10 release. Mol Hum. Reprod., March 1, 1999; 5(3): 220-226)

And the best reason? No chance of picking up any nasty STD or, even worse – knocking someone up. No need to have to get ride of some chick you don’t even know the name of after you cum. Next morning calls to ignore. And again, no child support requests.

So why are you even still here reading this post? You should be enjoying your built-in ability to be a healthy young man! Now go on! Tug away!

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Hot Teen’s Secret Afterschool Activity

School has started for teens across the land this week, and they are stressed out from their shitty teachers and stupid homework. So, naturally, fingering themselves is more in order than ever! How else are they gonna relax!!??

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More Cam Fun

Last night’s Sammi show got me so worked up I decided to spank to some more! Look what these girls do!…

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See Sammi Cum

Check out Sammi. She is very hot when she cums. 14:30…

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More here!

Screw that — more now…


Ewoks Are Dirty

An Ewok from Return of the Jedi got caught yubbing his nub recently, according to U.K.’s The Sun. This should be no surprise as we’ve known for quite some time Ewoks are prone to these types of public displays of affection (see 4:13 mark)…

Read the full story HERE.

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Moaning Is Awesome

Hello sickies, The Troll here! heheheheheeeeeee! I am giggling because i just jerked me meat which means i feel nice right now. Ahh if only it would last! Funny, it wasn’t even one of my usual embedded vids that cause my current state of euphoria. Nope, it wasn’t a video at all in fact! Well, technically it is a video, but it’s a clip of just darkness. No image. Only audio. However could i release to such a boring sounding clip, you ask? Well, it’s because I discovered the new trend of MOANING VIDEOS! HEHEEEEE! Yes, lads, you heard it right — people are now getting around YouTube’s strict no-nudity or adult content clause by just uploading the sound of their pleasures! And I will have you know, ’tis very hot indeed! So hot, these generous clips that have been shared with the world almost eliminate the need for phone sex. So sit back, slip out of your trousers, and have a listen to what folks like YouTube user “xXBrokenXxLoverXx” are doing to themselves…

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Animated Condoms Fuck Sleeping Blonde

Technology has allowed animated condoms to fuck sleeping blondes. Forget about 3D or HD, CG is the future of pornography…and my only regret is that I can’t understand what these creepy little fuckers are saying before they slide between this hotties tits or into her pussy or ass. And just when you thought you’ve seen it all, it gets even weirder. Watch below.

Weird enough for you?

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Ernest Borgnine: One Of Us!

I remember when I was a wee little Troll and I used to sneak into human areas. One time I snuck into a movie called THE BLACK HOLE. A human actor named Ernest Borgnine was in it and I thought he was pretty cool. And now, finally, 31 years later I know why!…

I wonder if Borgnine gets off to Black Holes like this one! Heheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Weee hooo!!!!!!

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Fame Registry’s Top 100 Starlets

The hot 100 list is the top rated, currently active porn stars in the business updated every single month letting you know who you should be spanking your one-eyed wille to and in what order.

Jenna Haze once again sits atop the list, so what are you waiting for? Stroke to it… go on, it’s alright, she wants you to! Just listen!…

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Check out the full list HERE.

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The Fonz Would Love This Girl…

… because she sits on it.

She looks like a little doll brought to you by PornHub


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Leah Luv Gets Double Plundered

Leah LUVs everyone… except… herself?

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Lexi Bell Takes It Black

Troll dwellings are similar to some of your human apartments. Very tight spaces with hardly enough room for all to fit. This is one of the things we both share in common. And another person who shares this problem in a form of her own is little Lexi Bell, who has a slit hardly built to accommodate the African-American schlong about to inhabit it…

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Missy Stone & The Ped

This has got to be my new favorite video of all time. Not just on this site. Not just on the internet. Of all time.

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I Take The Bus. Why Can’t I Be As Lucky As The Dude At The End Of This?