‘New Moon’ In Stores Now!

No, not that New Moon, you silly faggot. THIS one:

“As the uncontrollable urge for sex consumes her in the absence of her vampire lover, she desperately searches to fill her lustful desires with her new companion who has vowed to protect her from the relentless threat of blood lusty vampires and also promises to show her how a wolf man can make her most erotic fantasies come true.”


This Isn’t Twilight: The XXX Parody

While New Moon may be much better than the sloppy first installment of the Twilight Saga… this troll’s recommendation would be to saty in the comfort of your own dwelling this evening and pop in a DVD of Jenna Haze’s latest!

Jenna Haze, cast in the role of Bella, won Female Performer of the Year at the 2009 AVN Awards Show, the 2009 XBIZ Awards, and the 2009 XRCO (X-Rated Critics Organization) Awards Show, and is one of the biggest names in porn.

Not to mention that Haze makes a better Bella then Kristen Stewart any day of the week. Oh, that Kristen Stewart, always huffing and puffing. At least when our Jenna uses her mouth to emote she blows!


Exclusive slideshow HERE!


I’d Show These Girls A REAL New Moon

Twilight Line - IMAGE from

The award for Official Best Job In The World at 3:54 PM Pacific Yesterday goes to a fella named David Chen. Who is Chen, you ask? He is with a website called Slash Film. Which is covering Comic-Con. Where, yesterday, THOUSANDS of young ladies were camped out in front of the San Diego Convention Center in hopes of claiming a seat for themselves at today’s TWILIGHT panel.

Now, why is this on a site devoted to getting our jollies off? Well, stick with me here, because here is where the fun begins. I would like you to visit THIS PAGE, and watch one of the two interviews conducted by Mr. Chen. Now you see what I’m getting at, eh, old chap? All those nice, small, well-built, compact little tents and blankets. The troll has found himself a new playground! Heheee!!

Is it just me, or do the first minute or two of these clips start out like every POV porn out there today? I wonder…do these lovely fangirls hook up while waiting on these lines? Or are the fanboys among them who are waiting for the Tron and Avatar panels too shy to approach them? Perhaps Mr. David Chen has them all to himself? Perhaps David Chen, you can be our hero and savior. Please, for the love of all of us here at home who can’t, please have your way with these girls. If you let them call you “Edward” or “Robert” you’re in like FLYNN. Then again, and speaking of… FLYNN’S ARCADE might take priority even for a horny creature like myself! Choices. So many tough choices.

One more thing…if Bella has sex with a werewolf, is it still considered bestiality?